Tiger Woods plays, he makes news. Tiger Woods doesn't play, makes even bigger news. But the biggest news to come out of Tiger's den, our columnist Grant Boone says, was the recent announcement that Mr. Tiger and his missus are expecting their first cub.

By Grant Boone, Special to PGA.com

First off, an announcement: I will be skipping this week's Mercedes Championships. I've been too busy recharging my batteries since bailing out on the final event of 2006 to adequately prepare for the 2007 season opener. Wait a minute, that's not me.

It was a weekend of big news for Tiger Woods. The day after pooping the PGA Tour's New Year's party by snubbing the winners-only Mercedes, Tiger took time out from his 31st birthday celebration to say -- with apologies to the Tour's new sugar daddy, FedEx -- the most important delivery in his world this year would come from his wife, Elin, who's expecting their first cub sometime this summer.

It confirms my long-held suspicion that the Woods have indeed consummated their 2004 marriage. And quite frankly, it's about the only thing Tiger had time for in the vapor that is the Tour's ephemeral off-season. (In all seriousness, I found it poignant that Tiger chose December 30 -- the day 31 years ago that Earl Woods became a father for the last time -- to announce he'll be Pops for the first time. Well played, Tiger.)

Meanwhile, FedEx certainly couldn't have conceived that the first event of its eponymous Cup series would be minus Woods (lack of adequate time to prepare), Phil Mickelson (lack of interest), Ernie Els and Retief Goosen (lack of a Tour win in 2006). The Golf Channel is also experiencing labor pains after working so hard to promote its new birth as the Tour's primary broadcast partner, only to discover the epidural in the person of Tiger Woods isn't coming. They'll have to bite down hard on a spoon instead.

Make no mistake. Tiger -- not the other guys -- is the Grinch who stole the Tour's Christmas cheer, chiefly because that league, like it or not, is Whoville to Joe Sportsfan when the world's most popular athlete isn't playing. That's not a knock on the rest of the players, who understand they're often considered chopped liver to Tiger's Roast Beast. But you'd have a hard time finding very many of the Tour's rank-and-file who would swap the opportunity to play in this unprecedented era of wealth and popularity. And in reality, they're probably more popular, even in Tiger's shadow, than they'd be if he wasn't there hogging all those wins and headlines. My guess is that a lot more generic sports fans in 2007 could pick Retief Goosen out of a police lineup than their peers, circa 1987, could've ID'd a similarly stoic player like Larry Nelson.

If there's disappointment over Tiger's absence in Maui, the bigwigs of those aforementioned entities should consider another holiday classic. Rather than going all George Bailey on us over Tiger stealing their $8,000 this weekend, I'll play Clarence and show them what a Wonderful Life they really have.

Obviously, there would be a PGA Tour without Tiger Woods, but here's guessing it would look a lot more like Pottersville than Bedford Falls. No billion dollar TV contracts. No $5 million purses. Probably no World Golf Championships, at least as we know them, and certainly no FedEx Cup. Also, Tim Finchem would've fallen through the ice and never grown up to save an entire transport of men in World War II. (Okay, so the analogy eventually breaks down.)

Whether or not The Golf Channel would still be around is less obvious. Woods didn't inspire The Golf Channel, but he has legitimized it. Consider that TGC signed on in January 1995, five months after Tiger's first U.S. Amateur and 19 months before he won his third straight, turned pro, and changed the entire landscape of the sport.

Without Tiger, TGC would more likely be The Tennis Channel. The latter signed on in 2003, the year Roger Federer won his first Grand Slam title and began establishing himself as perhaps the finest player in the history of that sport. Federer hasn't failed to win at least two Slams in each season since. Last year, he won three of four, had an absurd match record of 90-5, and even had Tiger nominating him for Athlete of the Year.

And yet, The Tennis Channel is still The Tennis Channel, a non-factor when you finger the remote control. Granted, TTC is younger, but its golf counterpart was a more formidable three-year-old, and Tiger's the reason why. Federer is Fenomenal, but he hasn't transcended tennis or managed to move his league to the front page of the sports section. He's more like golf's other No. 1, Annika Sorenstam -- merely brilliant, graceful, and historic but not transcendent -- than he is Tiger Woods.

So cheer up, PGA Tour, FedEx, The Golf Channel, Mercedes, and everyone else adversely affected by Woods' no-show this weekend. We'll send Bert the cop to pick you up and bring you home where you can be reminded of how good things really are.

And no matter how disappointed you may be Thursday when the 2007 season commences without your brightest star, just remember: every time the bell rings to begin any season in which Tiger Woods is playing professional golf, the entire sport gets its wings.

Atta boy, Clarence! Atta boy!

Grant Boone is a husband, father, golf broadcaster, and sports journalist based in Abilene, Texas. His column appears on PGA.com each Wednesday and every day during major championships and other big events. He can be contacted at pgagrant@hotmail.com.

The views and opinions expressed here do not reflect those of PGA.com or The PGA of America.