With the passing of Barbaro, the sports world looked for new ways to describe his dominance. For the most part, they succeeded. But who can adaquately describe Tiger Woods and his dominance? Grant Boone gives it a shot in this week's Grant Me This.

By Grant Boone, Special to PGA.com

First off, anyone who thinks I'm going to make light of the passing of the great Kentucky Derby champion Barbaro on Monday is obviously sniffing glue. Many of you protested vociferously and scatalogically about the piece I wrote last summer, misconstruing my disdain for the media's hyped-up Barbaro deathwatch as some sort of horseshoed schadenfreude. Okay, never mind. I just went back and read that column again, and the neigh-sayers may have had a point. I probably crossed the line.

It certainly wasn't intended as an affront to Barbaro, who dominated the Derby, had all the makings of a legendary champion, and drew millions to the sport of horse racing in life, injury, and now death. It wasn't the horse's fault that an overweening media so grossly overweened.

But, of course, today's press was weaned on overweening. In fact, they were overweened. Take, for example, a sport which is much easier to handicap these days, golf. Most sportswriters wasted a thousand words trying to explain the greatness of Tiger Woods after Woods won again at Torrey Pines.

I, on the other hand, will waste a thousand words recapping how the tournament was covered locally in San Diego by the Channel 4 News team. Roll it!

(Announcer) Channel 4 News with five-time Emmy Award-winning anchor Ron Burgundy; Champ Kind, sports; Brick Tamland, weather; and your reporter in the field, Brian Fantana.

Ron: How much time? 30? I'm on right now? I don't believe you. Really?

(Scrambles into his seat, shuffles papers) I'm ready.

Good evening. I'm Ron Burgundy, and this is what's happening in your world tonight.

A La Jolla man clings to life at a university hospital after being viciously attacked by a pack of wild dogs in an abandoned pool. Great story. Compelling and rich. But it's nothing compared to the events that unfolded this afternoon at a nearby golf course. A ferocious tiger got loose at Torrey Pines today, attacking golfers and apparently even eagles and little birdies. There's no word yet on casualties, but this much is sure: it's one of the more remarkable things to ever happen to San Di-ah-go or even the world.

For more, let's go to Channel 4 sports anchor Champ Kind. Champ?

Champ: Ron, you know that wasn't a real tiger, right?

Ron: Hm?

Champ: The golfer? Tiger? Woods?

Ron: Champ, you're stuttering. Is my musk distracting you again? I distinctly remember reading all that stuff about tigers and woods and golfers on the teleprompter. You're supposed to take it from there.

Champ: No, Tiger is the golfer.

Ron: The tiger was golfing? That's amazing. Reminds me of that unusual aquatic daredevil, Nutty the Squirrel, the one we recently showed waterskiing in a Channel 4 News exclusive.

Champ: C'mon, Ron, Tiger Woods!

Ron: Go on.

Champ: That's it. Tiger Woods. He's pretty much the most famous athlete in the world.

Ron: Really. I've never heard of him. Continue your sportscast.

Champ: Okay. Champ here! As you know by now, I'm all about havin' fun. Y'know, get a coupla cocktails in me. Maybe start a fire in someone's kitchen. But what happened out at the ol' golf course today was more exciting than goin' to the zoo and flippin' off the monkeys.

Let's take a look at the highlights. Here's Tiger for eagle at the ninth. The putt's on its way and?

Whammy!

Leadin' by one, check out the approach Tiger hits into 17. It's like he's tellin' the rest of the field, "I will smash your face into a car windshield and then take your mother, Dorothy Mantooth, out for a nice seafood dinner and never call her again!"

At the 18th, Tiger laid up to 107 yards. Facing a third shot over water, Tiger looks over into the gallery and sees Chargers' coach Marty Schottenheimer, who's screamin' for him to use a putter. Tiger ignores him, hits a wedge, and?

Whammy! He wins the tournament by two! That's his third straight win at Torrey Pines and his seventh straight overall, the second longest streak in Tour history!

Let's go live now to our reporter on the scene, Brian Fantana, who's trying to get an interview with the champion. Bri-man!

Brian: Tiger watch! The mood is tense. I have been on some serious, serious reports, but nothing like this. He's inside now. I tried to get an interview, but they said, "You can't. He's a live Tiger. He will literally rip your face off." In fact, he just did that to Peter Kostis of CBS.

Hey! You're making me look stupid! Get out here! Tiger jerk!

Ron: We'll get back to Brian shortly. For a report on the conditions at Torrey Pines, let's check in with Channel 4 weatherman, Brick Tamland. Brick?

Brick: Thanks, Ron. Right now, it's 82 in our fair city. Compare that with 48 in the upper Northwest and 38 in the Middle East. Perfect weather for the pants party later tonight.

Ron: I beg your pardon?

Brick: The party ... the party with pants.

Ron: Right. Brick, before I let you go, are you still having your celebrity golf tournament this summer?

Brick: No. Too many people died last year.

Ron: Brick, I've been meaning to talk to you about that. You should find yourself a safe house or a relative close by. Lay low for a while, because you're probably wanted for murder.

Let's go back to our man on the scene, Brian Fantana, who finally has that interview we've been waiting for. Brian.

Brian: Well, actually, still no sign of Tiger, but I am joined now by a man who was in the gallery all day. His name is Tino, and he owns a local nightclub. Sir, how would you describe what you saw today?

Tino: We have a saying in my country about people like Tiger: "The coyote of the desert always likes to eat the heart of the young, where the blood drips down to children for breakfast, lunch and dinner, only the ribs will be broken in two..."

Brian: Okay, thank you, sir. That's enough. Let's send it back?

Tino: What's that smell?

Brian: Probably the smell of Tiger Woods' desire to win.

Tino: No, it's like a used diaper filled with Indian food.

Brian: Well, desire smells like that to some people. That'll do it from here at Torrey Pines. Fantana! Back to you, Ron.

Ron: Thanks, Brian. And thank you for watching. For all of us at Channel 4 News, I'm Ron Burgundy. You stay classy, San Diego.

I hope you enjoyed that report from the Channel 4 News team. A bit unorthodox, for sure, but anything's better than yet another columnist telling you how great Tiger is. And after all, I promised I wouldn't beat a.....never mind. For all of us at GMT, thanks for stopping by.

Ron: But mainly, stay classy.

Grant Boone is a husband, father, golf broadcaster, and sports journalist based in Abilene, Texas. His column appears on PGA.com each Wednesday and every day during major championships and other big events. He can be contacted at pgagrant@hotmail.com.

The views and opinions expressed here do not reflect those of PGA.com or The PGA of America.