As funny as the wildly popular TV singing audition show has been so far this season, our Grant Boone says it's nothing compared to the high comedy in California last weekend where the rest of the PGA TOUR auditioned to see who would challenge Tiger Woods.

By Grant Boone, Special to PGA.com

First off, it appears the miasma created by the Tilghman/L word/Golf Channel/Sharpton/Noose-week cover incident is finally lifting. And none too soon. The miasma was making me asthma unbearable. Besides, I've been dying to get back to the weighty questions GMT has become famous for being unafraid to ask, such as, "Has this been the greatest series of auditions in American Idol history?"

I say yes and, as always, I bring visual evidence to prove it. First, for those who aren't Idol worshippers, you should know that the majority of those who show up for the tryouts have varying degrees of ability and legitimately attempt to impress the judges enough to get one of the coveted golden tickets to the competition in Hollywood. But in addition at the audition, there are always at least 3 other contestant species:

1) Colossus Gluteus -- These people harbor no delusions of making it to Hollywood, so they settle for trying to make it on TV, even if it means eternal and public (or in this guy's case near-pubic) humiliation. Simon Cowell, the irascible Englishman, usually has little tolerance for such acts, though he understandably warmed to this saccharine sycophant.

2) Putridus narcissus -- These are the people who truly believe (or in some cases have been cruelly convinced by friends and family) they have talent but actually stink. Some become sympathetic figures -- like James "Go Down" Lewis and the 16-year-old linebacker, Temptress Brown -- while others are too obnoxious to feel sorry for. This group usually includes the people who don't leave before extending a few choice words and/or middle fingers to the panel. Alexis Cohen raised the bar for disgruntled rejects with this TOUR de force, punctuating her profanity-laced diatribe with one last parting shot at Simon that must be the greatest line in the show's 7-year history, "If I could legally moon ya, I would!"

3) Intentionus mysterious -- This group usually includes the most disturbing of the lot, primarily because you're not really sure if they're serious. As opposed to the waxed figure in No. 1, the toughest decision for this girl probably wasn't whether or not to go the Princess Leia route but rather which ensemble would best dazzle the judges. (The Leia-in-sophomore-gym-class look obviously didn't work.) Udi gave us a sneak preview of the MC Hammer Reunion TOUR 2039. And even crazy people agreed this guy was truly nuts.

There's a sampling of each species in this masterpiece of a montage. It began with the kid about to wet his pants he's so nervous, followed shortly thereafter by the guy wearing the "Dear Lord, If you can't make me skinny, please make my friends fat!" t-shirt, which is funny no matter how many times you say it. Then came the throaty cross-dresser, the sweaty-pitted oversinger, and the guy who looks like Bill Gates except not nearly as hip. You figured it couldn't get any better, but then the chorus began with the combo of the long-haired girl going at it so hard you felt like there was a 50/50 chance her head might explode, followed by the boy in the hood doing a modified Austin Powers jig. The big finish included the Disney Queen-meets-Billy Idol girl, the fallen angel, and the dude with the long red wig and a t-shirt that read "Gender Chameleon." The entire piece was 90 seconds, but it took our family 20 minutes to watch because we kept rewinding it to see the parts we missed while laughing hysterically.

But as side-splitting as Idol has been so far, it's nothing compared to the high comedy in La Jolla, California last weekend where the rest of the PGA TOUR auditioned to see who would challenge Tiger Woods. Come to think of it, Woods is a little like the American Idol judges all rolled into one. He's as ruthless Cowell, with Paula Abdul's flash and Randy Jackson's cool. And just like those three, Woods is the only measure by which every contestant is judged.

The Buick Invitational began Thursday with Woods and Phil Mickelson making their 2008 debuts and Kelly Tilghman returning to the 18th tower after a two-week suspension. GOLF CHANNEL's opening round telecast began with a tight shot of Tilghman setting a new standard for how every public figure should offer a mea culpa. Instead of the typical "I apologize if I offended you by what I said" -- which is just another way of saying, "I'm not sorry if you weren't offended" -- Tilghman acknowledged that what she did was wrong, regardless of who took offense and who didn't. That's how it's done.

That was also the last bit of drama we'd see at Torrey Pines. In suburban San Diego, Woods quickly turned the week into his own adaptation of Anchorman.

"He was like a god walking amongst mere mortals. He had a voice that could make a wolverine purr and suits so fine they made Sinatra look like a hobo. In other words, Ron Burgundy was the balls."

Okay, Woods is more of a tenor and those multi-layer, rain vest-over-short sleeve-over-Under Armour get-ups were more hobo than Sinatra. But from the minute he stepped foot on Torrey Pines' South Course for his opening round of the season, you knew who was in charge. Though an opening-round 67 left him two shots off the first-round lead, Woods winning seemed a foregone conclusion.

"Off the coast of Tampa Bay yesterday, one lucky cameraman happened to catch an unusual aquatic daredevil. What you're about to see is a Channel 4 News exclusive. His name is Nutty the Squirrel, and he's three years old. How 'bout that? That squirrel can water-ski."

Last week was also the first golf TOURnament of the year for CBS, but the Tiffany Network came out in mid-season form, brilliantly blending images of the golf action with the breathtaking seaside scenery and even some footage from Sea World of an unidentified aquatic daredevil carrying a golf ball in two paws and walking on the other pair.

In the tower, Jim Nantz was offering his trademark handshakes to anyone within arm's length. And Nick Faldo delivered the zingers better than a Dolly Madison truck driver. His best came after Nantz voiced a 60 Minutes promo that asked, "How'd we get into our current mortgage mess?" to which the thrice-divorced Faldo inserted, "Just ask the wife."

I like how CBS introduces the announcers at the beginning of each telecast. Instead of the traditional still pictures, they use the Harry Potter-style head shots of the guys winking, blinking, and nodding. NBC, I think, does big events better than anyone, but CBS is the more enjoyable listen.

That has a lot to do with David Feherty, the funniest man in golf by as big a margin as Woods has in the world rankings. Feherty has his own segment this year, "5 Questions with Feherty," which CBS unveiled Saturday with Woods serving as the first subject. After we learned Tiger prefers boxers to briefs, Feherty queried, "Someone cries in the night, who gets up?" Papa Woods immediately answered, "Both of us," prompting Feherty to follow up with, "What if it's you that cries?" He got a couple of genuine guffaws from Tiger, and the rest of the CBS crew liked it, too. When it was over, Nantz asked, "Did Tiger have any idea what questions were coming?" Feherty answered, "No, and neither did I." Feherty's best line of the weekend, though, came on Sunday when colleague Gary McCord asked if he'd ever tried hang gliding. Feherty said no and added, "You see them up there in some kind of diaper sling. I can't see why you'd do that. My sling would definitely need to be a diaper."

"I'm sorry, it's the pleats. It's actually an optical illusion. It's the pattern on the pants."

Woods' 54-hole total of 18 under par tied the TOURnament record set in 1985 by Woody Blackburn.

"I don't know how to put this, but I'm kind of a big deal. People...know me."

Woods led by four going into the weekend, by eight through 54 holes, and extended the lead to double digits at times during Sunday's final round. Yet, the galleries remained four deep to watch Woods win his fourth straight Buick and in the process pull even in career wins with the only other player in history who put as many fannies in the seats, Arnold Palmer.

"You pooped in the refrigerator and ate a whole wheel of cheese? I'm not even mad. That's amazing."

The other players on the PGA TOUR are just as blown away by Woods as those of us who watch from outside the ropes. After Woods finished off Sunday's eight-shot victory, Charles Howell III said, "You'd like to think it's surprising, but it's not. It's Tiger." Even No. 2 in the world Mickelson, whose T6 actually looked like a guy who hadn't played yet this year, conceded, "Nobody thought too much about winning."

"We've been coming to the same party for 12 years, and in no way is that depressing."

Those same players can only wonder what might've been had they been born in another time. August will mark a dozen years on TOUR for Tiger Woods. At 32, he's already second in majors and now tied for fourth in wins. He's been Player of the Year in 9 of his 11 full seasons and won the money title in 8 of those. Fred Couples put it simply, "He's just much better. I've been on TOUR for 28 years, and I've never seen this stuff." Woods doesn't just play better, he thinks better and differently from anyone else. When asked during that otherwise silly segment with Feherty whether he preferred spear fishing or fly fishing, Woods instantly took the former. Of course, he does. Why sit back and wait for the fish to come to you when you can attack? The last of Feherty's questions was, "12 in a row. Is it possible?" Woods paused only briefly before matter-of-factly muttering, "Uh huh" with the hubris of a man who's dared to consider it and the confidence of one who believes he can do it.

And why not? He's done nearly everything else, including make us forget about a fiery controversy that raged in his absence with a performance that suggests he may, perhaps sooner than later, settle another debate: the one about the greatest player of all time. For the time being, Woods can enjoy his latest beatdown and his place next to Palmer while history marks this fleeting moment when the record books were shared by 2 of golf's true American Idols.

Grant Boone is a husband, father, golf broadcaster, and sports journalist based in Abilene, Texas. An archive of his columns can be found here. He can be contacted at pgagrant@hotmail.com.

The views and opinions expressed here do not reflect those of PGA.com or The PGA of America.