The PGA Merchandise Show – where thousands of golf companies big and small gather in Orlando for the world's largest golf trade show – is next week, and we are routinely inundated with press releases in these days just beforehand. But one we got Thursday stands out above all the others.
It's from a guy named Scott Salzman, who is the inventor of a pretty cool golf towel called the Spotless Swing. The towel is actually built like a headcover – you can dry your hands on the outside, but you stick your clubs up into it so the dirt stays on the inside.
His press release is titled: ''Oh Great, Another Boring Press Release!''
It leads off with: ''Have you heard about Spotless Swing? Probably not.''
And here is Salzman's sales pitch:
''How will Spotless Swing help your golf game? Will it:
--Get you on the PGA Tour? Doubtful. It's a towel, not a magic wand.
--Keep your clubs, gloves, and grips clean and dry? Absolutely. That's what it does.
--Get you out of bunkers and tall grass? Yeah, right…
--Take strokes off your game? Sure, if you use it. Clean clubs allow for better accuracy and further drives; and from what we hear, those are good things.
--Make you look cool? No, but it may distract from those ugly pants and that sweater vest you're wearing.''
A little later on, he encourages us to stop by his booth, where he'd love to engage us ''in some riveting towel talk, and have you take home a free sample, so you can see firsthand how great Spotless Swing really is, and how it can improve your dismal golf game.''
Can't make the Show? Fear not, he says, he can send you one in the mail.
''Only the media gets them free because you all write great stories about Spotless Swing which helps us sell towels,'' he admits. ''So go ahead and write about us; put us on the cover of your magazine or make us a feature story; share with the world your story of how one simple golf towel saved your golf game ... and possibly your marriage.''
I'm not sure this one blog post will help save anyone's marriage – or golf game. And I should be a little offended by that sweater vest crack. But after a pitch like this one, how could I resist?
I officially encourage you to hop on over to SpotlessSwing.com and check it out.